Joy 2004

Cynics begone; it’s the season of joy all year round

At a baby christening last month, the tears rolled down the cheeks of my niece as she watched her son dressed in the gown his grandfather had worn for his own christening many years before.

Her joy was contagious.

I love true joyful moments; more than when I cry listening to Roger Whittaker albums or watching Somewhere in Time, but the actual life experiences that bring butterflies of pleasure.

Recently, at the Ottawa Public Library Foundation Gala, I met author Denise Chong. author of The Concubine's Children and The Girl in the Picture, who shared with me her joy of writing.

Even though writing fiction is one of the hardest things to do, the Ottawa author says she has never considered not doing it. "I tell my children, if you find something you love, hang on to it."

It’s a similar expression to the one a Citizen graphic designer pasted on the wall of his office: "If you’re lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it."

He had two goals for this year’s Ironman Hawaii which he completed: "To finish, and to smile all day." He did both, and what could be more joyful than that. I smiled all day myself just thinking about it.

It is the joy of accomplishment, of reaching your own unique goal. When this summer as a novice swimmer I was able to swim around the island at Meech Lake for the first time, I was beaming like a one-year-old taking her first steps.

Joy is contagious. It spreads like a candle flame - lighting many more candles, but never diminishing the light of each one.

There is personal joy, there is joy in sharing the delight of others, and there is the chain of joy from one to another.
A carefully chosen compliment can create joy. For an interminable stage of my childhood, I was an awkward, skinny, frizzy-haired girl with protruding teeth. Yet a friend of my parents stopping by, greeted me and said, "what beautiful hazel eyes you have!" Eyes? That was a part of me I hadn’t previously considered. That I still remember, shows what an impression her few words were able to make on me. And I have followed her example, seeking out specific ways to praise those for whom praise in a particular area is not obvious.

A father tells me that what he remembers joyfully from his own childhood is a chocolate ice-cream cone his mother bought him for the first time when they were out shopping together. Whenever he had ice-cream for years after, that wonderful feeling came back. It continues to give him understanding of the delight his own three-year-old is feeling from new experiences.

Gobble the joyful moments like ice-cream and spread them around.

Advice for Naomi 2001

For my daughter: A wish for joy and fulfillment on the road of life


I was going camping, and I asked a super-camper friend of mine - who has actually calculated that he has spent two years of his life in a tent - to talk to me about camping. Among other practicalities, he told me about the value of milk crates for toting your stuff in the car.

It occurred to me afterward that what I was looking for was spirit, not milk crates. I wanted to feel the excitement he feels when he heads into the wilderness; I wanted to know what keeps him going back.

And I realized that when so many people ask me about my fitness activities, they aren't asking me how I tie my running shoes or whether I use an alarm clock to rise at 5 a.m. They are saying 'let me share your desire and excitement so that I can enter that special world too.'

What is joy, and how do you find it? Why do some people have so much joy, and some people none. The wonderful thing about joy is that it is contagious. To be with joyful people is to unavoidably become that way yourself.

At noon, a friend at work commented that now that my children are grown up, I can be as bad as I want. The values and morals have been imparted and my role as good example is over.

That evening, my youngest daughter, Naomi, celebrating her December birthday, asked me how you know you’re making the right choices in life; what should you do to be happy, to feel your life has value.

I told her that just by asking, she was way ahead of me in the ‘meaning of life’ sweepstakes. She said she wanted me to tell her what I’ve learned. So, here goes...
I’ve learned that it’s all right to cycle in the rain.

That running gets easier after the first 20 minutes.

That etiquette demands sitting on a towel in the sauna.

The point is this: If you don’t talk to other people, and you don’t try new things, you don’t grow.

If you surround yourself with people just like you, then you stay the way you are. There is something to be learned from everyone, and frequently the quietest people are the ones with the most to say.

I’ve learned that life is filled with choices, not traps. You choose how you spend your time, and by cutting out one thing, you have time for something else. By not watching television in the evening, there’s plenty of time to paint, to read, to get ready for the next day. By getting up at 5:30 a.m., there’s plenty of time to exercise.

It’s the same with financial choices. Decide what you want - travel, sports equipment, musical instruments, for instance - and cut out what you don’t really need, such as junk food, expensive clothes or entertainment, or extra rooms.

Your choices also extend to friends and relationships. Choose the ones who support you, who believe you’re the greatest person in the world. Choose friends with whom you can laugh and relax, and whose energy you can share.

I’ve learned that everything can be broken down into small steps, and that slow progress is still progress. There is no shame in starting at 0. I learned that when I started running at 50, I learned it again when I started swimming at 53. It was amazing how many people came up to me after I wrote about the swimming and said they couldn’t swim either.

Follow your creative soul. It is so much harder to create something beautiful than to do a repetitive task, and the fear of criticism and failure can be overwhelming. But do it. And keep doing it, and you will keep getting better at what you love.

Take chances. Try hard. Those were two concepts that came to me later than I hope they will come to you. Many of your relatives come from the conservative school of ‘take a nap’, ‘put on a sweater’, choose the job with security. Do what feels right for you, and prepare for what you want.

And finally, strike a balance between caring for others and caring about yourself, avoiding extremes in either direction. By looking after your own needs, you will inspire and give strength to others, and you won’t have to cope with the gnawing unhappiness of dreams unfulfilled or roads not taken.

Broadcaster Dini Petty said much the same as she spoke November 20th as part of the Diva Foundation "Healthy Woman...Healthy World" series. She described the importance of being "self-directed" instead of constantly focussing on what others think.

You are already heading in the right direction, my daughter. Enjoy your wonderful journey.