Turning 50 (1997)

Onward and upward: Some thoughts on hitting 50


It was when we were both talking casually about 1964 that it hit me.

We were discussing the Beatles, or something like that.

"I started university in 1964," I said.

He paused. "I was born in 1964."

And until then, I had felt we were the same age.

I may be 50, but I feel as if I fit in with those who are 20 or 30 or 40, even though I know that that’s not how younger people may perceive me.

What is 50?

For me, it’s not a lot different than 40 - although there is certainly a heightened sense of making the most of time available.

I find myself wishing I hadn’t wasted so much of it when I thought my options went on forever. In the past couple of years I’ve pierced my ears ( at least it’s not any other part of me), studied watercolour painting, taken a workshop on Romance Writing - and not written the novel - and become more regimented about keeping fit.

There’s a particular joy in discovering late blooming pursuits, even if you can’t help thinking if you’d started sooner, maybe now you’d be Picasso or an Olympic athlete. I take strength from a quote by author George Eliot (1819-1880): "It is never too late to be what you might have been."

Anticipating an "empty nest", my husband and I moved downtown from the suburbs. Our downsized dwelling bulged for a year with three adult children - and then they left again.

Because we’re generally healthy, active and involved, we in our 50’s tend to be an invisible age. Alike and yet different.

And yet I know from discussing this category with the 20-somethings and 30-somethings at my office, it’s easy for them to group together everyone between 50 and 100 as 50- plus, separating them into them and us.

As with any age group, it’s hard for someone who’s not in the category to really understand it. And it’s hard for us to know our place.

I suddenly find myself asking, "do I look silly doing this?", or "am I too old to do that?" It’s an odd place to be, and it happens in an instant.

I think the message that this generation wants to get out about ourselves is the same as that for any other - don’t generalize about us; we’re all different, and don’t judge us by our appearance; there’s a lot going on in our heads.